A-Rod Backs Stimulus
Says Economy Needs Shot in Arm
President Barack Obama picked up support for his stimulus package from an unexpected source today as Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez said that he was "totally in favor of stimulus."
"Sometimes when you have to get the job done, you need a shot in the arm," said Mr. Rodriguez at a press conference in the parking lot of Yankee Stadium. "This stimulus sounds like it could be that injection."
The slugger, known to his fans and detractors alike as A-Rod, said that the U.S. economy may not seem very muscular at the moment, but that "juicing the economy" could change that overnight.
"Mark my words," he said. "If the economy gets the right injection, its muscles will bulge to monstrous proportions."
Mr. Rodriguez's words were in stark contrast with remarks made last week by another athlete, swimmer Michael Phelps, who said that the economy "just needs to chill."
"As far as the economy goes, I'm comfortably numb about it," Mr. Phelps said. "Dude, did I just say that out loud?"
At his press conference today, Mr. Rodriguez bristled when asked questions about steroid use, at one point throwing a car at a reporter.
*from The Borowitz Report